|pixie's teardrop of evil
||[23 Dec 2004|04:55pm]
the dainty rain falls upon my raggidy doll body
no summer sunshine for this hippy
the rain drops sizzle on the fire
the warmth soon turning to icy water bubbles
my shoulders shiver under their un-caring gaze
the once bright, hopeful, red rose withers with the rain flood
& bleeds from sun deprivation
you cover your face with all the makeup
use your resources for plastic surgery
but you cannot hide who you are
you cannot cover up the freckles
you cannot kill the beast inside with broken shards of mirror
until you face who you are
an unbroken mirror shows the outside
inevitably this is a part of you
she looks up with determined eyes
removes society's demands
relishes in the hippy core
allows the rain to be her blanket
& her naked body glows
what is your art?
||[01 Nov 2004|08:21pm]
I used to always forgive you for what you did to me. I used to pretend when it as too late to be okay.. it wouldn't hurt as much the next time. I used to cry myself to sleep and say not to worry, tomorrow will be a better day. I let you beat me down and walk away. I pretended I'd always care and I'd do anything.
Time after time- eventually the tears stopped coming and the gashes no longer ached. Burning my skin was like combing my hair, every morning. Meaningless. My emotions disappeared and I became blank; dead to the world.
There would always be that little flicker of hope and idea that things would chance- I used to believe in myself. I believed in you. I believed in living (believed in life).
I gave up who I was just to be with you. Going along every day.. in misery. You said everything I ever wanted to hear. You were a silent killer. I ignored all the noise.
Best friends. Love always. you promised forever.. you promised you'd always be there. time and time again, you said you'd keep the hurt from me. Promises. Always broken.. empty words. You meant nothing.
Silence means everything. Especially now that you're gone.
||[25 Sep 2004|10:52am]
A Villanelle for you Dear
I sit down to write you a villanelle my dear
With aching eyes and worn hands
But trust I never shall I fear
True my love shall grow near
But further I will crawl
Yet I sit down to write you a villanelle my dear
O’ love does conquer, yet my soul still austere
An inevitable consequence of foolishness
But trust I never shall I fear
Oh if only you could be here
Cry I will love, till the day we rejoin
All the while, I sit down to write you a villanelle my dear
The thoughts get colder and more severe
They linger so
Trust I never shall I fear
Yet somehow we will persevere
If only you were here to hold me near and dear
For now I sit down and write you a villanelle my dear
But trust I never shall I fear.
||[23 Sep 2004|10:21pm]
I am the image of revision
No longer picture perfect or unique
The ideal reflection of value, success, love and respect
I’ve seen the loss of hope
And broken dreams
Within my mother’s eyes
After endless hours of tedious work
The torment of stress and strain
I’ve watched as the spark of life
No longer twinkles in her smile
I’ve heard the empty thoughts
The memories of the past
Remembrance of better things
Throughout the silence
I’ve heard the sobs
They cry of fear
And search for joy
Daily reminders to strive for the best
Treat others how I would like to be treated
And to know the difference between a want and a need
In a sense
My being is a sign of struggle
As well as achievement
Though we’ve all suffered loss and regret
We’re still here
making through each day.
|I've learned that roses have thorns for a reason
||[15 Sep 2004|02:59pm]
You can take the girl from your heart but you can't take the heart from the girl
Let it bleed-
the face of my nightmares
I wish this b r o k e n h e a r t would just quit beating
faced with all the pains of the passed
by the regrets still burning
my skin torn and broken
this all still means nothing.
so I guess this just isn't how it was planed..
it's been played out and hurts so bad,
I don't want to pretend
this is how it should be,
everyone wants it-
but I just can't take this.
Shivers and chills
fears of the world
torn open scars
Just shoot me in the face;
this isn't something to live for.
No more games,
no more pain..
you don't need to bring
more shame to your name
I can't pressure through the hurt and the hate
throwing around emotions with out any thought
a glance and a whisper,
that's all that it took.
lying down in the cold,
blood covering the floor,
I can't face the world like this anymore.
My wrists are snapped and crushing the bone-
blood is all over my clothes.
my tears sting my skin as the stream from my eyes
but they dare not close
too scared from the pain
waiting for more hurt to arise.
I've been used and beaten,
not willing to face life another day.
I can't eat with out puking
my words mumbled and incomplete.
sound throbs through my head
as the silence leaves the appearance of peace
yet darkness lurks closer
while beautiful stars explode throughout the sky
safety is lost.
running through past street lights
tripping on the uneven pavement
trashed to the ground as though thrown from above.
my life is it bits and pieces
lying as shattered glass before me
the view of the fields and soft shedding leaves has disappeared
a loud crash and forceful grip
left the frame empty
spilling it's entire identity.
lost childhood memories,
those few that I had
most covered in lies, clenched fists, flying objects, and wine
none the less
still nothing compared to this
time takes it's toll.
beats you when your down.
hidden by beliefs of a better tomorrow,
tears dryed from the smile-
plastered to keep the pain from spreading
in every way shape and form.
too bad that's the flaw,
in your hero's form.
||[16 Aug 2004|05:53pm]
Hey guys. X-Posted to a few places.
This essay is due Wednesday, and I'm looking for comments/criticism.
While I know it is fun to critique the paper based on content (and please do so) please also look at my grammer and mechanics usage. While I'm pretty well educated in comma, etc, use, I can always use a little help.
I tried to make it is interesting as possible.
For anyone who participated in the "What makes a great literary character?" discussion, thanks, your comments really helped out.
( The Best Literary Character..1200 WordsCollapse )
||[13 Aug 2004|08:29pm]
My short raspy breath is the only thing that breaks the silence in the darkened room
The sun rises and the break of the new day streams through the white cotton curtains
Unveiling a new life that I must continue, without the presence of you
My head rests against the dark blue paint that is peeling off my walls
I sit on the floorboards and count the number of dying roses that are next to me
Their dirty brown leaves fall through my fingers, just as your life did when you found me
My heart is beating still, but Im waiting for the day it rots, so I can be with you
Halfway there Im sure, my blood will someday be the colour of my dying roses
My mind will rejoice as I walk down the empty hall, with the sight of yellow daisies in my eyes.
||[04 Aug 2004|05:46pm]
Don’t let it happen again, don’t reach out, leave your pale arms, with the lines that make them stare, in your sleeve. Close the door and walk away. Standing in front of the manmade self-destructor, look at yourself; what you let yourself become. The trips "to think in nature" were not enough, your perfected lies unravelling, just a kiss on the lips, the dirty water framed by pure white clean porcelain. Close the lid on the truth, you cannot slip any further; the noises must remain but the smirk of satisfaction glares out gaudy & casually thrown out to slap you in the face. Wash the hands, the instrument to enforce the obsession out of your stomach, run the water, hotter, let it boil. Grab those blue pills, throw them down, dry-retching brings back the taste you know so well, pour the brown liquid straight up & swallow, letting the blue calm flow down. One last glance at what you hate; and the keys cutting into your hand go unnoticed as you watch yourself from a distance. Walk to the black vehicle that lets yourself, the outer being everyone looks at [oh they think they hide their judgements & disgust so well] get left behind like the dust off the wheels flying in the gust of wind you create. You stomp your foot down, on the flight, on all the shit you trod through. Your hand reaches out, the sleeve moving, but you don’t care anymore, this gesture is to change the stick up their arse, change the path, crossover the line that marks the road. Go faster, fly by the scenery you used to treasure & capture on rectangle glossy paper to please others. You get further & further from yourself. The tangibility is gone, the world & everything it’s made of, what you are disintegrates into tiny pieces, there is no view that makes sense, this is not Hollywood, a novel nor reality-controlled television. If only you could control where your view was from, you might have seen the curveball thrown your way, in your path as the screams beneath your foot [just like yours that are inside when it all begins; just like a mute’s anguish, fear & need to be heard & saved when being personally violated & rid of innocence] are as real but public to the world & the silence left by the nothingness surrounding you.
030804 | 2321
||[02 Aug 2004|02:56am]
Painfully my heart beats, it's sound wrapturing through my mind- Beating in my through my breath; slow, choppy, raspy breaths. Numbing my body. silence presses the air out, choking me; as though solid tears poured from my eyes after being tossed down 6 flights of stairs. smacking my face quickley down each step, snaping my body backwards, up and down..
||[02 Aug 2004|05:36pm]
Im not a big fan of this. I wrote it a while ago, but today I had a circumstance, which was so lovely and nice, and made me want to post this.
Watching their every move
Their every noise was nothing short of a laugh
These two girls in a room full of people
Like the day of a birth
New things were welcomed, excitedly
They smiled, and kneeled together
Reinventing a friendship
Watched by many
An unusual happening before them
The likes of childhood play
Displayed by adults
Drawing on faces
The only smiling mouths in the hall
Except for the beings who remember
The innocent lives they all once owned.
|Four White Walls
||[31 Jul 2004|10:53am]
This is a story about Scarlet's father... I think the entire plot of the story will root around the meeting of the two characters, with complications, obviously. I'm using a lot of colors, to draw pictures more vividly, I hope that doesn't makes things confusing.
( He's only happy when it's complicated.Collapse )
|one of my favourite poems I've written
||[30 Jul 2004|01:02am]
My Reflection in the Mirror
A lost figure of rejection;
Longing for comfort,
Though transparent and empty.
Sweet, impressionable lips torn and chapped-
Sealed; holding back the ugliness of lies,
Seeking truth spoken beyond words.
The voice lost in the distance,
hidden from the world.
Discoloured, stringy hair
collected in an un kept, tangled mess.
An appearing innocent smile,
Completely shattered and broken by the fear of reality.
Streams of pain run down once rosy cheeks,
now only pale, jagged and defined.
A frail figure;
Uneven in proportion,
Choppy around the edges,
And incomplete in appearance..
What was once seen beautiful
Now lost in a blank stare
Her mind stuck within the hope of acceptance
Yet mesmerized by the repulsive vision.
My image of me
|of the moment
||[30 Jul 2004|12:43am]
It's always the same
(day after day)
she pretends not to notice;
he walks past her
causing her to look the other way.
Inside she's broken and lonely,
yet she doesn't seem to see
he's left her
for real this time,
he's moved on
- and found another.
He still sees her..
but only when he wants
and when it works for him.
Her feelings never mattered
and the fact that she cries herself to sleep at night
mourning the loss of someone special,
the one person she's loved
and the first..
still means nothing.
When she hides herself away from the world
living with that fake smile
plastered across her face-
even though she feels as though she's dying
on the inside.
She's given up
all she's worked so hard for
is suddenly slipping through her fingers.
Her knees have locked,
and she repeatedly falls on her face-
she's lost that sense of hope.
All she thought meant anything..
now just memories filled with lies.
she lies awake frozen in silence,
wishing he could still hold her
..while he's lying in his bed
and holding someone else
No one notices the way it breaks her,
no one seems to care.
He still calls her..
but all they do is argue,
it only cuts her deeper
letting her drown in her sorrow.
He hangs up and runs to his new interest
I wonder if she knows he'll do the same to her?
|fire vs plastic
||[07 Jul 2004|06:27pm]
your beautiful world excludes me
with your perfect sunrise, sunsets & perfect in betweens
trying to overpower me
grasp me in your 'clean' plastic grip
how long can I hold my breath?
you cannot be breathed in
this soul is mine, don't overtake it
I will perform the great escape
I don't need your perfectness & plastic
I have me, the fire & the full moon
protective warmth keeping others at a distance
just the way I like it
I twirl faster & faster until it's all a blur
& I'm floating above the world so high
just try & catch me fucker
your plastic only melts in my firey presence
I rise above you, the pain
the heat keeps me going, hold the flame
the full moon; orange & large
shimmers along the blue ocean
& it reaches me; dancing to the beat
with sand between my toes
power over their eyes
not knowing where the path goes
my black & white figure
smudges of grey; keeps dancing, I'm alive inside
||[28 Jun 2004|10:03am]
fade into the background
everything rushes past
as it all grows smaller
& the lights dim
new dawn has broken
my broken spirit reborn & anew
do not let me remember your tears
but your smile as I leave
|the world of pretend
||[26 Jun 2004|08:48pm]
I used to believe in better things
in the land of oppertunity
and never ending chances
I used to always smile
I never had any reason to frown
life always seemed so cheerful
so perfect and full of good times
one day everything changed
the day I opened my eyes